A Love and Hate Letter

Dear (oh you know who you are),

It’s been such a long time since I heard your voice. Six months, I think. Six months since fate made us cry in each other’s arms for a long lost love. I will repeat what I told you that night, between tears and sobs: I’m sorry we couldn’t work it out. It was such a pity even though we were both responsible for it. I just think that, perhaps, it was the wrong time for us to be us. If we had met at another time… maybe then things would have been different.

It’s really hard for me to admit this, but sometimes, I think about you, about what would happen if things hadn’t turned out the way they did. Anyway… I usually focus on your voice, saying my name. I guess that one of the things I never got to tell you is that your voice always calmed me down. Most of the time, it was reassuring my irrational doubts. Thank you for being there, even if you are not now, and never will be again.

You were one of those people who always believed in me no matter what happened between us. You always believed in my beauty, my talent, my everything and I want to thank you for that. Thank you for making me feel that I could tell you anything; you were a great listener. It meant, and still means, a lot to me.

You hurt me so much, despite the amazing person I thought you were. Words, ignorance, lies… I couldn’t believe it. On the other hand, I learned so much from all that pain. That one-month-depression was one of the most valuable lessons life has taught me. I learned to battle it, even though, at first, I didn’t really want to. It was easier to stay all day in bed, not wanting to smile, not wanting to live. It was hard, to forget you, to forget all the pain that came with your departure from my life. A summer without seeing your face certainly helped. Meeting new people, doing crazy things, laughing uncontrollably at nothing, taking chances… saved me.  No matter how much you hurt me, how much I hurt you, Thank You. You gave me a valuable lesson yourself. You helped me develop thicker skin and never let anyone be so close to my heart ever again. Giving someone your all is not that smart of a choice after all. Thank you for helping me realize that (not an irony).

To wrap this letter up… Thank you for the bad, thank you for the good, for all the lessons, all that music… Thank you. You’re certainly someone I will never forget.

Thanks again (even though I know you don’t want me to say thank you),

M

P.S.: Give a listen to “My First, My Last, My Everything”… I promise you, it’s a good one…

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