The Bad Influence Letter

Dear astronaut-to-be,

You were like a small sparkling light that came in my life and turned everything upside down. You helped me so much, too. I was destroying myself and you were there to slow down and, eventually, stop the process.

You were a bad influence on me. You were part light and part darkness; when you give a depressed person someone like you, they’ll suck out the light and then… the only thing left will be darkness. I turned into someone I didn’t recognize. Someone who stopped caring about herself completely and got attached to someone who was afraid of love and attachment. I let you into my life, into my own house and you became my drug, my addiction, my ‘way out’ of my misery. Little did I know, you’d soon be a part of that very misery… After giving you everything in return for nothing, I felt lost and deprived of anything happy. My sparkling light had gone off and I didn’t realize it soon enough.

You were an important life lesson. You, my bad influence, taught me a lesson about trust. I trusted you, I let you into my life without thinking about it. I should have, though. Thank you for teaching me that trust is something people in your life earn and not something that’s given without any thought.

What I found particularly irritating and interesting is that, when you thought you had lost me, you suddenly developed an interest in me. Funny. VERY funny. Finally, you were (kind of) out of my life and then you let yourself in again, without even asking. However, I had learned my lesson. I moved on. I was finally happy and you were merely a part of my life.

You know, I’m sure I’ll never see you again, but you were one of the most important people who passed by my life. I just wished that you cared when I did, that you weren’t so self-absorbed.

Anyway… It’s pretty pointless to whine about the past. It can’t be really changed, after all. You only move on from the past with life lessons, and I did move on. I’m grateful you were a part of my life, even though you are partly responsible for the trust issues I have.

Of course, I’ll never forget your sparkling light, little astronaut.

Think of me when you shoot for the stars,

M

P.S.: That black dress is my favorite too.

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